Captain’s log, day 34

We sailed into port today. The speed with which my men picked up wenches from the harbor, hoisted them onto their shoulders and ran off with them was the stuff legends are made of. As always, the smell of rotten fish and putrid wood was mesmerizing, to say the least. It was especially designed to leave you in a constant state of queasiness without really getting you to the point where you could see your breakfast from a new perspective. The fact that it was a hot summer day didn’t really help that matter in the slightest.

Amidst the vaguely washed out scenery, there was one particular spot of color that caught my eye. At least this time it did so metaphorically, as opposed to the last time something caught my attention. I’ll never forget how that damned parrot lunged towards my face.

No, this time it was a most enticing morsel. A most beautiful and delicate woman stood before me. She was the very blueprint of fairytale princesses, the kind that any man would kill for in a moment’s notice. The fact that she was distinctively cleaner than any of the other women present was a relatively important factor. I think it was the contrast with all the rotting fish that made it more blatant.

I approached her with reluctance, and it was apparent that I didn’t really succeed in capturing her attention. I cleared my throat with the subtlety of a bear wrestling an elephant and proceeded to ask her if she was waiting for someone in particular. Her eyes darted towards me and it was only at that point that I realized she may have in fact been accompanied by any manner of man. The particular manner I was worried about was the kind that could crush my skull just by cracking his knuckles and staring menacingly as he does so.

I sighed with slight relief as her face lit up and she actually spoke to me, saying she was expecting her husband to arrive any time soon. My relief shot itself in the face and drowned in the lukewarm waters of the port around that point.

I haphazardly asked her what ship the man sailed on, so as to establish whether I knew the man or not. Upon hearing the name of both the ship and the man, I realized I had actually known him quite intimately. Or at least my sword did. Several times.

That meant two things:

1. I had unwittingly removed the sole contender I had for this woman’s graces.

2. If she were to find out, I dare not think what kind of vengeance would be unleashed upon me.

Normally, I wouldn’t rightfully care, since I could have just as well taken advantage of her and gone out of port come next morning, but, considering my crew’s propensity towards babbling their mouths off, this time it didn’t quite seem like the right idea.

As such I decided to leave and get completely shitfaced. Story of my life, I suppose.

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Not much going around these past days. Technically, I had the house to myself, but that didn’t really count for much since I’m not that good at throwing parties. And given the current weather, it would have been an arduous task just to get people out of their damn house.

Either way, college is gonna start again in like 3 days, which is both kinda crappy and awesome at the same time. Crappy because, well… college. And awesome because, well… college.

What I’m trying to say is that, although I don’t look forward to spending inordinate amounts of time getting bored the fuck out of my mind during lectures and shit, it’s gonna be pretty awesome to get back together with my fellow students.

As far as continuing the story I started…. hell, I might as well continue the one I’m indirectly writing at the beginning of my recent posts. It’s quite fun. And the last word is the 666th.

P.S. No really, if you count all the words up until the P.S. there’s 666 of them, which is something nobody gives a shit about. So, I have no idea why I did that, but you know, shit happens. I’ll get back with updates as soon as I can.

~ by terriblespidermonkeys on February 12, 2010.